I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
