woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
