i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
