His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
