we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Sorry about my life...
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
