Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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