Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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