I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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