I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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