just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I wish they made helmets for livers.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
