My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I need a burrito and a hug.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Let's get the cat blown out
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
