He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
