In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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