if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
