she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
