I can't watch pbs sober anymore
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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