you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
