Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
