I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
