girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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