I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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