i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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