is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
