we have pet lesbian snakes
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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