We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
