imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
