I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
