Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
