You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
