tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
