my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
