I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Alive.
So much puke
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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