lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
