chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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