capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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