Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
