I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
