dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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