I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
