marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
