so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
