That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
