We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
