I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
