Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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