just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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