I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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