I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I stole a fireplace last night.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
