We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
