In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
