Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Randomize
