It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
