I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
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